Needy and Clingy People

Danielle Miller recently posted an answer to "need verses want" on my Facebook Relationship Glue Group wall. She stated, "I think a 'needy' person can have a healthy, fulfilling relationship, but it involves them being aware of their "neediness" and making an effort to really look at themselves and find out why they are needy."

Let's talk about needy people. And while on the subject let's cover clingy people also.

Needy People
If you are the kind of person afflicted with the "Savior Complex" then a needy person is your saving grace. You can do for them and feel good about yourself...until...they heal and no longer need you. Then the relationship is over. For the needy person, he or she will hang around AS LONG AS ALL THEIR NEEDS ARE BEING MET. Danielle makes a great point that alludes to needy people being aware of their neediness. However, I'm not convinced that they can overcome their pathology...and I could be wrong. I'm a control freak, I know it, I try to overcome it, and yet frequently its ugly head pop up when least expected.

My guess is that I manage my controlling nature rather than overcome it. If you know you are needy, you have a lot of work to do if you desire a mutually beneficial relationship. Try fulfilling your neediness by DOING for your special someone. Take that "hole" and fill it with activity that serves your spouse in the method they prefer to be served and your need to be loved, nurtured, and appreciated will be fulfilled.


Clingy People
Needy people are frequently also clingy people. To most clingy equals suffocation. Control freaks like me can also be clingy, just ask my wife (and I've been working on it for 35 years). For clingy and needy people, if you can (metaphorically) hold your special someone to you like you'd hold a fencing foil or a bird; just tight enough not to lose it, but not so tight that you strangle the life out of it--you have a chance. The idea is the science; the art is in the implementation of the idea. Happy loving,