Overcome Relationship Road Blocks

Great personal and romantic relationships are hard enough, without putting your head in the sand in dealing with some of the basic road blocks to successful relationships. If you are looking toward long-term relationship success, keeping an eye open as to some of the basic road blocks is a superior success strategy.

Hidden Agendas

When another intentionally sets a plan in motion to purposefully deceive you, it is near impossible to detect—or is it? The key here is being open to the typical relationship red flags that many ignore; internal and external. Rather than justify your partner’s actions early on, scrutinize them. Sure it is difficult to love and to scrutinize at the same time, however it is entirely possible. Choose not to be blinded or smitten, as these qualities are frequently a formula for disaster. Go into relationships with an open mind and heart—and an automatic protection mechanism—one that enables you to see reality as opposed to fantasy.

Unrealistic Expectations

Is there such thing as a Prince Charming, Snow White, or Cinderella? It is rare that one person embodies all things wonderful and none objectionable. Too many men and women have waited a lifetime for that perfect mate and missed out on a lifetime of nurturing and rewarding relationships. It is realistic to expect that many of your needs will be met in a romantic relationship, but unrealistic to expect that every single whim will be received with, “Your wish is my command.”

Unfulfilled Needs

With what I have stated above, this is a difficult and sensitive issue. While every romantic and relationship impulse may not be fulfilled by your partner at the spontaneity you desire, it is nonetheless very important that you stand up for, and return; respect, courtesy, and love in your relationship. How that washes out is; you had better get really, really, good at asking for what you want. You also must get really, really, good in asking in a way that your partner responds positively. Unfulfilled basic needs are what will eventually create a wondering heart. If you love and respect your partner, then you will be courteous in response to their needs, and vice versa.

Dreadful Communication

Communication is the foundation for either a successful relationship, or a failed one—it just depends on how well you communicate. Code words, jargon, and hidden meanings will not serve you, or your partner—unless of course both totally understand the various meanings in all situations. Think that’s possible? Words have meaning! Be clear on what you say, how you say it, and in a way that your partner will completely understand your intended meaning. Hinting is not communicating! Expecting the other “to understand” is not communicating. Expecting your partner to read your mind is also NOT communicating. Communicating is, eyeball to eyeball, using simple and clearly understood language—expressing what’s on your mind with understanding as your intent—not cryptically stinging under your breath.

If your subliminal intention in communication is to understand and be understood, you will have a much better chance of success. Too frequently people try to accomplish two things in their communication; get what they want and manipulate others. Perhaps that’s fine in a hardball selling situation but it is not fine in romantic relationships. Be the communication, live the communication, and respect the communication of others—this will go a long way in eliminating dreadful communication.

I grant you that overcoming relationship road blocks is not always easy, but grant me this: it is always worth it, if the person is worth it.

Resurrecting Your Relationship

What better time than Easter is there to resurrect your damaged relationship?

Some believe that resurrection is possible and some do not. Easter has traditionally been the celebration of the resurrection of Christ. Historically we know he died because one of the Roman soldiers pierced Jesus' side with a spear to ensure his death. Some of his disciples then buried his body in a new tomb; sealed and guarded by order of Pilate. On Easter morning some women and apostles went to Jesus' tomb, expecting to find his body. However, the tomb was empty, and the angel at the tomb told them, "He is not here; he has risen!"

My question for you today is not religious but secular. Do you believe that it is possible to resurrect your dead or dyeing relationship? The answer to this question is the core.

The Glass Egg

In the late 1980s I experienced the Lifespring seminars, which were a byproduct of the earlier EST movement. While the seminars were intense and time consuming, I still value the experience to this day. Upon graduation from my advanced class, my group leader, Nancy Morris, gave each member of the group a glass egg. The egg was to symbolize, resulting from the experience, my rebirth as a human being. For over 20 years that egg has sat on a bookshelf in my office as a reminder.

To many, Easter also represents the welcoming of spring time, and the compulsory spring cleaning. During spring cleaning most cast off needless possessions and the dirt and grime accumulated over winter—but what about in your head? Might you be clinging to useless old mental conversations about loved ones?

Emotional Spring Cleaning

How about making tomorrow, Easter 2010, your mental and emotional spring cleaning day? Perhaps Easter holds for you an ingrained religious experience? If so, embrace your beliefs—and also cast off your erroneous relationship issues!

I will admit that in the human relationship dynamic; when one wants a negative result and one wants a positive result, the negative generally wins. Yet, when two persons have been emotionally wounded by one another, there is still room for relationship resurrection.

1. The first step is to reconnect with early feelings of love or emotional attachment.

2. The second step is to remember what it was about the other that you found attractive.

3. The third, fourth, and fifth steps are to communicate, communicate, and communicate.

Cast Off

Cast off your emotional junk for Easter 2010 and talk. Please do not talk about all the hurt and pain; you’ve already discussed that over and over and over with your friends. Rather, talk about the possibility, about rebuilding trust, about moving forward. If the other person was good enough to hook up with in the first place, might they still be good enough for you to keep?