Stop the Insanity--Build Outrageously Successful Relationships at Home and Work

Relationship conflict—I’ll take much less, thank you. Isn’t that what most people generally say? However, are your actions and words consistent? Wow, do I have your attention now? Let’s face it; everyone wants a reasonable return on their relationship investment (ROI). In order to receive any return, investment is the first important secret. Just how much investment have you made lately?

Relationship Investments

Be honest now; have your relationship investments just been the bare minimum to get the return that you want? If so, you know that you are not leaving any room for error, and we all error sometimes. By not leaving any margin for error, you can be assured of conflict sooner, than later. What I’m suggesting is that you re-evaluate your relationship investment strategy and embrace the idea of frequent relationship bank deposits. Build up a relationship contingency account for those times when you screw up—because you know you are going to screw up sometime.

Lose the Blinders and Focus on Others

When you only keep your focus on your needs, you can be assured that everyone else notices, especially the people that are important to you. So what’s a person with needs to do? The simple answer is to give, give, and give again. The more complex answer is for you to figure out what really matters to the persons in your life, which you care about and try to help them get what they need. Reciprocity is a wonderful and mysterious truth. When you help others to get what they need and want, they will experience a continual nagging feeling of loyalty, beholding, and allegiance toward you. While you can assign any name you want to this dynamic, it is nonetheless real. Lean into the idea and you’ll repeatedly be amazed at how it benefits you.

It’s Okay to be Healthily Selfish

Yes, I’ll admit it—this is my personal Achilles heal in life. Recently, a friend for whom I have enormous respect, Alan Weiss, told me, “Ed, you have to be much more healthily selfish in regards to your professional life.” He did not tell me to be more narcissistic, but rather not to forget about making sure that I receive value for my knowledge, effort, and results in helping others. I believe that there is a huge difference between the two; most people are weary of the narcissistic person while sub-consciously drawn to the healthily selfish person. When you are self-absorbed, few desire to be around you. However, when you are an active player in life, you become a magnet ROI.

Look for Every Opportunity to Serve Others

This is where the convergence of the above occurs. When you have a healthy mindset, great self-esteem and confidence, and truly desire to make relationship investments; this is the mental playground for developing outrageously successful relationships. I have preached from the podium, for over two decades, that partnerships, alliances, and relationships must be a two-way conduit for value delivery. I have admonished audiences around the world that they have both give value and receive value in order for any kind of a relationship to continue in the long-term. I truly believe that you have to give first. Why is this so? Because you were the person smart enough to figure it out—that’s why. And this is why I repeatedly state, “Look for every opportunity to serve others.” Do more than just look; find those opportunities and act on them. It is the correct action that delivers outrageously successful relationships.

Appreciativeness; It’s a Good Thing

Appreciating others is something we need to keep in the forefront of our thinking. While showing that appreciation can sometimes be elusive; personal awareness of the challenge goes a long way toward the resolution. Everyone wants relationship ROI; in order to get, you must give.

Friends Sharing

One of the things that I love about speaking professionally is that I get to meet, and keep in touch with, great folks from all around the world. The president of a good sized contracting company from South Carolina recently sent me this story suggesting that it went along with advice that I offered at his industry’s recent annual meeting:

When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, and sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits." Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides - a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"

Admit Guilt

Culpability is an uncomfortable relative, however like all relatives, must be acknowledged. I, Ed Rigsbee, must admit some personal guilt here. After reading this story, I instantly thought about a comment I recently made to my wife after she overcooked some cornbread muffins one recent morning—my bad! The important thing to keep in mind is that we will all make relationship mistakes; it is inevitable! The question is simply this, “Have you made enough Relationship Bank Deposits to cover your withdrawals?” And trust me; my comment cost me a big time withdrawal.

Be Mindful and Keep Perspective

The story above, in my opinion, illustrates appreciativeness at its best. Do (we, you, I) appreciate all the large and small things that our special someone does for us—even the effort and the intent? This is something of which to be always mindful.

Another important element in this story is that the husband kept things in perspective. When you think about it, a crusty biscuit really is no big deal. However, opening one’s mouth in the situation could be. By putting the situation in perspective, realizing the wife’s exhaustion and intent, even when the implementation was not as successful as usual—the intent is really what mattered. The wife made the effort! How many times in your relationship have you failed to even make an effort? I sure know I’m guilty in this area.

I truly believe that appreciativeness of others can bridge many deep relationship valleys and help to climb difficult relationship peaks. Make your Relationship Bank Deposits today.

Is Sex the Glue to a Relationship?

This question gets asked quite frequently; is sex the glue to a relationship? If you are 20 and are experiencing raging hormones, you would most likely answer; absolutely! However, if you are 60 your answer might be something like; sure it is important but not the kind of glue that holds relationships together for the long-term.

Sex and Glue Tact-ability

Glues have varying adhesion factors. I like to use Gorilla Glue for my wood working projects because it is both water proof and holds forever. However the glue that 3M uses on their Post-it Notes is very different as it has a very low adhesive factor. If sex is like relationship glue, then which glue is it—the stuff that sticks forever or that lets go at the slightest tug?

Sex as the Mitigating Factor

Sex is an age appropriate relationship glue; more on the onset and less in the long-haul. If you are younger the more important question is one of relationship tenure. If you are in a “fun” relationship and you have no expectations of the relationship’s long-term viability, then yes—sex is glue. And, if you are looking for a long-term relationship, sex is an important mitigating factor. While the relationship will most likely fail without sex, you must realize that sex will not bind a misfit relationship forever. Sex as “glue” will only last so long.

Relationship Gorilla Glue

The true glue that binds any relationship is trust, courtesy, and mutual-respect—aka, love. Without these elements, even porn-star quality sex will only take you so far. The novelty will wear off. Conversely, good healthy loving relationships do enjoy sex as one of the success building blocks.

My final vote on sex as the relationship glue: kinda.

Happy loving…