My Relationship; Am I Paying Attention or Off the Mark?

You’ve been there, you know what I’m talking about; your special someone just will not open up and tell you why they appear not to be themselves—so you think. This is a hugely difficult dynamic. You ask yourself, “Do I push for answers, or just keep quiet?”

Is it Real?

How do you know if there really is a problem? It seems as such; their behavior has changed just slightly. They’re just not quite as attentive as usual. Sure, it could be you, or it could be something that has absolutely nothing to do with you. How do you know? Just how pushy should you be in attempting to discover if there really is an issue?

Living in Oblivion

For years, I have used a cartoon in my seminars to make the point of male cluelessness. Visualize the picture; upon entering the house, still at the front door, a spear hits the door inches from his head. The caption reads, “Although he thought their argument had been settled at breakfast, Jim sensed that Sally had some unresolved issues.” So the challenge becomes living one’s life, skating on thin ice—ice that is really a continuum that stretches between oblivious and aggressive. The fact is…you are going to fall on that hard ice once in a while.

It’s Not Easy

To illustrate how difficult this dynamic really is—I’ve been married for 35 years to the same woman, and I frequently still get it wrong. Sometimes I’m oblivious when I should be attentive and then other times I’m pushy when I should let things be. But, there is hope in communication; keep talking. Through sympathy, empathy, and compassion in conversation, you have your best chance of determining if it was you that screwed up or if your partner is simply dealing with some stuff that does not concern you.

Relationship Resolution

The truth will set you free, if your partner will just share it with you. First, in human relationships, I believe it is better to ask too may questions as opposed to not enough. With that said, it is also prudent not to be a pain in the neck. Yet, if we take a lesson from children, when they want something they are relentless in asking. Blending both ideas; be gentle but keep the communication going. Keep seeking answers, and do it from different perspectives. Do not keep asking the same question, but shift how you ask to broach the subject through different windows.

Let’s take a lesson from my old boss. In the mid-1970s, I was in outside sales and worked for a gentleman by the name of Ray Kahn. He told me, numerous times, if you make a mistake and lose an account, no problem. However, if you lose an account because you were not paying attention—I don’t need you. I witnessed Ray firing a salesman, Mike, for losing a major account because he was simply not paying attention. Whatever you do, don’t lose your partner in life because you were asleep at the wheel. -Ed Rigsbee

The Valentine’s Day Dilemma

Yes, that day is just about here; while Valentine’s Day should represent one’s love, commitment, and devotion to their spouse, partner, or significant other—it all too frequently represents several days of pre-Valentine’s Day internal conflict. Are you driving yourself crazy on what to do for your special someone? You are? Why do you do that? I frequently do it too—stop it!

Guys, you want to be a hero with your Valentine’s Day offering as opposed to being the baboon that has sometimes plagued you over the years. You want to deliver an offering to your special someone that will give her bragging rights about the gift and demonstrate your caring manner. In this economic time perhaps an expensive gift is just not an option?

Gals, you want to be appreciated and do not want another lame last minute gift that shows zero thought and preparation.

What’s a person to do? There is a real Valentine’s dilemma; spending lots of money as opposed to spending lots of preparation time in creating a very personal gift. I like to write poetry for my wife. While I not really good at it, she appreciates my effort.

In this poor economy, and in many circles, it is cool to be frugal. Spend lots of money at Macy’s or Nordstrom if you wish—however, I’m going to go out on a limb here and state that your Valentine is more interested in you then they are your gift. Your Valentine will be ecstatic if you put time, thought, and innovation into your Valentine’s Day offering.

Remember, it is you that your Valentine wants.

Wishing you much enjoyment on Valentine’s Day, -Ed